It is often expressed that depression, at least in some sense, can become a form of selfishness. Not selfishness in the ordinary sense of being inconsiderate or self-serving, but in the sense of a mind so consumed by its own pain that it stops seeing anyone else’s. Taken literally, that idea is too simplistic, and when applied to clinical depression it can be deeply harmful. Depression is not a character flaw, a lack of gratitude, or a failure to simply think differently. But underneath the provocative statement is a question worth taking seriously: what happens when our attention becomes so…

There’s a particular kind of person everyone has met at least once. You forget what they were wearing within minutes. You couldn’t describe their face in detail a week later. And yet you remember exactly how they made you feel. Steady, seen, safe enough to say something true. Years on, you still think of them as one of the most beautiful people you’ve known. Nobody ever explains why the mind works this way. We’re taught, relentlessly, that beauty is a surface, something achieved through the right face, the right body, the right bank balance, the right life displayed at the…

Last week, someone called me and told me that they had contemplated taking their own life. They had reached a point where they had made preparations and were sitting in their room contemplating whether they should go through with it. And then, while looking around the room, they noticed something on their small altar. Something shifted in that moment, and instead of going through with it, they decided to call me.I’m not sharing this story to sensationalise suicide, and I don’t want us to focus on the details of what happened. What stayed with me was the question that came…

In the first part of this series, we explored what narcissism actually is and why the word has become so misunderstood. In Part 2, we looked at how narcissistic patterns can show up in everyday behaviour, and why they aren’t always as obvious as the stereotype suggests. But understanding the pattern is only the beginning. In Part three we ask the more important question: What do you actually do when you recognise it?Knowing that someone may have strong narcissistic traits doesn’t automatically tell you how to respond. And if you’re not careful, trying to understand another person’s behaviour can become…

Part two of a three-part series on narcissism.Narcissism has become one of the internet’s favorite insults. We throw the word around to describe selfish people, difficult bosses, arrogant celebrities, or toxic ex-partners. But somewhere along the way, the real meaning of the term got lost.A year into studying psychology, I realised just how much this misunderstanding matters. I realized something that surprised me: narcissism isn’t just a buzzword or a personality flaw. At its extreme, it’s a clinically recognized pattern of thinking, feeling, and behaving, one that many people don’t understand until they experience its effects firsthand. And that’s what…

Part one of a three-part series on narcissism. Say the word “narcissist” out loud and watch what happens. A face comes to mind. An ex, a boss,a  manipulative friend, a parent, maybe. It’s become a label we place on people who have hurt us, a way of drawing a line between them and us. Someone else’s problem, filed neatly under them, not me.But narcissism was never meant to describe a rare, villainous type of person. Long before it became internet shorthand for “toxic,” it was a word psychologists used to describe something far more universal, a form of self-love that begins…